Restoration Specialist
An oldie but goodie:
Last week I was headed to the store, and I saw this truck on a side street turning the direction in which I was traveling. I started thinking about restoration in marriages and in our relationships with others. I also started thinking that our TRUE Restoration Specialist is Jesus. Only He can fully restore us to each other and to Himself.
If we searched our hearts most of us have relationships with others that are estranged and need healing. Something was said or done, and the walls went up a little at a time until they are high and thick. We reason that we did not need that person or that relationship and we go on with life.
The thing is that the same estrangement can happen in marriages. Something is said or done and rather than dealing with the issue right then we push it down and place a brick. We start surrounding ourselves with bricks to protect ourselves, but we are also isolating ourselves from our spouses. By the time the bricks are thick and high, our relationship is just going through the formalities. One day we wake up and realize that we are done going through the formalities and then we decide to get out of the relationship thinking there is a better option out there. It does not have to be that way.
We can stick a stake in the ground right where we are and say, “NO MORE!” We can start fighting the enemy of our souls rather than each other. We can intentionally begin to tear down those walls that have built up over time. It will not necessarily be instantaneous healing, but the walls can come down like they were built, brick by brick. How can this be achieved?
When you put Jesus in the center of your relationship. If your spouse is an unbeliever still put Jesus in the center and pray for your spouse’s heart. Make sure you have your relationship in its proper place. God, Spouse, Children, and then everything else. When you have the hierarchy out of order you are going outside of God’s design.
Seek outside counsel. If your relationship is fragmented to the point of not thinking there is hope bring in a person who is UNBIASED to listen to both sides. That person should be a Pastor or a Christian Counselor who will look for complete healing of both parties. Be open to what that person tells you and be open to work. restoration WILL require work.
PRAY TOGETHER EVERY DAY! I never felt comfortable praying out loud and would feel physically sick, but the more I did it the easier it it was to pray. Pray a blessing over your marriage and your spouse EVERYDAY! Put your armor on together EVERYDAY! Set the time in the morning EVERYDAY and let God heal!
Have a “Working Date” every week. A few months ago one of our friends talked about working dates in our LIFE school class. She went onto explain that a working date is one where you get “housekeeping” items discussed. It is not the floaty heart date, but one where we discuss the issues in our marriages. The working date is where we talk about kids, bills, stress, and other issues in marriage. If a pressing issue comes up at another time during the week by all means discuss it, but make sure other not so pressing issues come up during your “working date.”
Communicate! When I was going through counseling I was told when I do not deal with hurts at the time that they happen and instead shove them down I am adding those hurts to others in a mini ocean. One little “pin prick” of a hurt can flood my whole body with depression, rage, and bitterness. It is at those times that everything I have been holding back comes flooding out at anyone in my presence. When Bill hurts my feelings I talk to him about the hurt within a few hours as to not allow bitterness to take root. When I hurt his feelings, we talk about it right then. If you are married, you WILL hurt each other. You need to deal with it and not stuff it.
Join a Couples Class at your church to learn tools for a healthy marriage. Go to Marriage Conferences together to learn tools for a healthy marriage.
Surround yourself with couples that desire good marriages, and chose a couple or two to be accountable. Make sure that the couple/s will have the courage to tell you when you are headed down a not so good path. Make sure you let them speak into your life and know that they have your best in mind. Prayerfully pick that couple or those couples. Just because you are friends with a couple does not mean they are the best for accountability.
Invest in your marriage! If you are not having a regular date night start now. Restoration begins when you focus on the other person and only the other person. This is not a working date this is a floaty heart date. This is the kind of date you had before marriage. It may be awkward to start dating like this again but persevere. God will work if you are obedient to Him.
Open your heart to what God is telling you about your marriage! He has a plan if you allow Him to work. He can restore if you allow Him to work.
God is in the Restoration Business, and He can restore if you let Him!
Blessings in Restoration!
Cassandra
